Love and Light

Lessons in disobedience from a three year old

Today I was at the end of my patience with our 3 year old.  She refused to cooperate or obey.  We were in a hurry to collect her brother from school and I was struggling to get the two girls into snowsuits and into the van.  Her little sister reminded her that we need to obey God.  "No!" said my 3 year old, "I don't want to."  Her responses to my calls for obedience were met with the same response.  I was getting more and more angry by the moment.  I knew we were likely going to be late, and each act of defiance made that less of possibility and more of a reality.  I got her into her car seat and buckled her in, but not without a few harsh words first.  I felt terrible.  Terrible that my child did not want to obey, and terrible for the way I had reacted to her behaviour.  I apologized and then said I would not be talking the rest of the way to the school so that I would have a chance to calm down and not say anything else that I would regret.

It got me thinking.  How many times do I disobey my Heavenly Father?  I am guilty of ignoring His leading or choosing not to follow his commands, and yet I often expect perfect obedience from my 3 year old.  If I haven't got this obedience thing down yet, what gives me the right to feel so indignant when she disobeys me?  And that is when it hit me.  She and I are more alike than I ever realized and perhaps, she is modelling my disobedience.  Hmn.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I fear that it is also more true than I would care to admit.  It is time for Mommy to start modelling the behaviour I expect from her, and to find a balance somehow between discipline and grace.  Growing up is not always fun!


"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.  This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.  For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.  And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.  Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them.  And this is how we know that he lives in us.  We know it by the Spirit he gave us."
1 John 3:18-24 (NIV)

 

(Written November 30, 2010.)

God Still Sends Ravens

"Now Elijah, the Tishbite, from the Tisbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, "As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word."
Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah:
"Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan.  You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there."
So he did what the LORD had told him.  He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there.  The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.
1 Kings 17:1-5 (NIV)

I don't know if any of you have experience with ravens or not, but my knowledge of them finds this account amazing.  Ravens are not known for willingly sharing the food they find.  If any creature can find food in seemingly the middle of nowhere, it is the raven, scavenger extraordinaire.  They are incredibly intelligent.  I've seen many a dog tricked out of their kibble by a group of ravens working together on a distraction scheme.  We northerners have to outwit ravens every garbage day.  They will find a way to get the lids off the garbage cans if you leave them the tiniest of opportunities.  For all of their boldness when it comes to food, this generally does not extend into their interacting too closely with humans.  The other day, we had a rare treat - an extended visit from a special bird.


We have all been under the weather lately with assorted colds, coughs, and stomach bugs.  This has not made for the happiest of children or the most energetic of mothers.  On one of our most difficult days when the kids were at their crabbiest and most sensitive and I was exhausted, we went to run some errands.  We had to.  We were out of milk, bread, and other essentials.  My mom volunteered to come along and sit in the van with the kids while I ran into the grocery store, bank, and drug store so I wouldn't have to haul everyone in, snowsuits and all.  Just when the kids were starting to get antsy, a very curious raven perched itself on the hood of our van and stared at us.  He or she wasn't going anywhere.   We found ourselves being watched as we snacked on popcorn in our seats.  I opened my door and offered a piece to the raven.  (I won't be hand feeding one again anytime soon.  Have you seen those beaks?)  It didn't get my hand but it was close, and if there was any doubt before, there wasn't anymore - we had a new friend.  While I went on to the next errand, my mom kept feeding the raven by tossing food out the window onto the hood.  The kids loved it!  They giggled away in the backseat.  It was probably the most they'd laughed in days.  I came back from my errand to find the raven still clinging to the hood of our van.  I started the van and began to drive out of the parking lot.  The raven stayed.  I drove down the road to the four way stop and made a right.  Still there.  At this point I realized I had passed the drug store and needed to go back so I turned around in the next parking lot.  This proved a little bit too much for the raven.  I honestly don't know how he/she was holding on anyhow.  As we waited to get back onto the road, the raven tried over and over to get back on the hood.  Freezing temperatures, a smooth curved hood, and large raven claws are not the best of combinations, but the raven wasn't giving up.  As we turned out onto the road, the raven managed to get a foothold and rode with us through the four way stop again and into the drug store parking lot.  I got out.  Once again, not even a flinch from the raven, he just kept peering through the windshield.  By this point we had drawn some attention to ourselves as several people had noticed the journey this raven had been on with us.  All were equally entertained by this large feathered fellow.  Finally, a moment before I came out of the drug store, the big bird finally flew off to find something else to snack on, but it had served its purpose - it had brought a smile and calm to my children despite their circumstance.  My mom remarked that she thought God had sent us that raven that day because He knew we needed it.  I couldn't agree more.

 

(Written November 29, 2010.)

What to do about bullies?

Today our son told us about yet another incident he has had a school with a boy in his class.  For whatever reason this other child likes to bully our son, either physically or verbally.  Today H told us that the boy in question told him. "I can punch your eyeball right out."  Nice, huh?  Apparently this happened in class.  We've already had H's seating changed so he isn't sitting beside this boy any more but it remains to be seen how helpful this tactic is.  From what I've been told, this other boy generally appears quiet, and as H doesn't tend to tell the teacher when something happens, it's made for a few delayed responses to situations.  On the one hand, I'm happy that H doesn't retaliate, but at the same time, I don't want him to get walked all over either.  I can only imagine that this kid has some other issues happening at home that are contributing to his behaviour.  I'm not saying his behaviour is excusable, but I think that bullies are often crying for help of some kind or for a friend.  H told me today that, "I'm still nice to D------, even though he isn't nice to me."  

Both my husband and I had experiences with bullies when we were kids.  I can't speak for my husband, but the bullies I had were actually some of the "tough kids" and to me it seemed that they really just didn't know how to go about making friends.  I think they saw me as an easy going kid, who was nice to everyone so I wasn't likely to put up a fuss if they forced me to spend recesses with them.  In grade 3, one girl walked around with me in headlock every recess for what seemed like months.  She just wanted someone to talk to.  I'm guess the on duty teacher thought we were really good friends and that the other girl just had her arm around my shoulder.  Like my son, I didn't complain to anyone about it.  I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but I guess I figured my life wasn't in danger so I could tough out recesses with this girl.  

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hurt you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)

Any thoughts?  

 

(Written November 13, 2010.)

"But you're the grouchiest Mommy."

Ouch.  That was what my 5 year old said to me when I apologized to him tonight for something I said to him earlier this afternoon.  Since school began, there has been an increase in bad attitude, talking back, whining, etc and I brought this to his attention.  I've been having a low energy week as I've been fighting a bad cold/cough while taking care of sick kiddos as well.  I was so frustrated by the constant whining and complaining that I finally said something to our son this afternoon in the van.  I listed all of the bad behaviours I had noticed.  However, I failed to acknowledge my own bad attitudes and behaviour in the process.  You see, I think I've been acting a bit like my preschoolers and 5 year old lately.  I've had a hard time keeping it together and yet I expect them to show model behaviour most of the time.  Sigh.  Time for a little self reflection and repentance.  Time to focus on my relationship with God and the lack of spiritual fruit in my own life.


"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law...But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.  Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another."
Galatians 5:16-18,22-26 (NIV)

 

(Written November 12, 2010.)

Feeling helpless

We got a letter this weekend from the dental therapist at our son's school.   Apparently, one of his molars has an infection and will have to be extracted.  I felt as though I'd been punched in the stomach.  This is the most recent in a series of dental interventions for him and I had no clue this one was coming.  There has been no pain, no fever, no discomfort, and yet, he needs an extraction?  I have no problem investing in his dental health, quite the opposite, I just wish I could prevent the problems from cropping up.  I can't.  Our son's teeth are brushed frequently and well.  Our two daughters have the same brushing schedule and have normal teeth.  I want our son to have his baby teeth until they are meant to fall out, and not have to wait years for the adult teeth to grow in.  I feel completely helpless and powerless to effect change in this situation.  Thankfully, God is strong in our weaknesses and is mighty to save and to heal.  I am trying not to be upset but to trust that God has ways that are higher than mine, and that all will be well...

 

(Written November 07, 2010.)

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."
Luke 18:27 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

How to gain back two weeks per year...

I recently discovered a lovely homekeeping blog and the authoress made an interesting point - if you get up an hour earlier each day or stay up an hour later, you will gain two full weeks per year!  I would also say the same of spending one hour less on the computer every day or one hour less watching TV every day would have much the same effect.  We are always looking for ways to have more hours in a day but we often miss the solutions right in front of our faces.

(Originally written on November 03, 2010.)

Living Authentically

I have a confession to make.  I have not taken nearly as many photos of my children in the last year or so as I would like.  The reason - my house is often a cluttered mess.  As it is an open plan house, there is nowhere to hide the piles as they accumulate.  No matter where I point my camera, in the background, I see piles.  Isn't that terrible?  It's not so much the piles themselves that bother me, it's that they are keeping me from photographing the precious little children in my life.  I also don't want every photo from my kids' childhood to have stacks of stuff in the background.   I live under no delusion of having a completely clutter-free home while I have multiple young children at home, but I want to spend some of my time NOT cleaning up and instead enjoy our home with my family.  However, that being said, this whole clutter thing is a vicious circle.  I want to spend time with my family but feel badly about not dealing with the clutter.  I deal with the clutter and feel guilty about my children watching too many DVDs while I tidy up.  Ugh.  This is why some of the extra stuff in our home has to go.  It might still be useful but if it is causing stress, it has to go.  We are blessed abundantly, and I know that we can part with a lot of the extra clothing, kitchen gadgets, toys that don't get played with, etc.  This should make our lives much calmer and hopefully bless someone else who has been in need of these types of things.  I've already made progress with our books.  Some have been donated to the library, others to a second hand shop associated with our church, and others to family and friends who will appreciate them.  
In the interest of living authentically and transparently, I am going to start taking more photos again.  Mess or no mess.  Hopefully it will inspire me to put that much more effort into our home each day.

 

(Written November 03, 2010.)

"The closer I come to dying, the more I want to live."

Last night Dwayne and I watched, "Elizabeth the Golden Age", and the character of Sir Walter Raleigh makes this statement: "The closer I come to dying, the more I want to live."  I don't know if he actually said this or if it was a liberty taken by the scriptwriters, but it made me think that this applies not only in a physical context, but in a spiritual one as well.  The more I die to self, the more I want to live for God, for my family, for others.  While the process of dying to self isn't always pleasant, the zeal for life and joy of giving of oneself is renewed in this action.  


We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you...Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
- 2 Corinthians 4:8-12, 16 (NIV)


For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
- Ephesians 2:8-10 (NIV)

 

(Written November 02, 2010.)

 

Something to remember...

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
- Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about my role as parent in relation to my role as God's child.  I should be emulating the way God "parents" me.  Loving, strong, uncompromising, gentle, extending grace and mercy.  Not that there aren't consequences for wrong behaviour, but there is always love and forgiveness as well.  

This is what the LORD says - 
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands,
your peace would have been like a river,
your righteousness like the waves of the sea."
- Isaiah 48:18-19 (NIV)

God loves us and understands us.  He KNOWS us better than anyone ever could.  In the same way, we need to take the time to know our children as best we can.  To know their strengths and weaknesses, to know what they fear and what brings them joy.  Only then can we be a true encouragement to them, bring effective discipline when the situation requires it, to comfort them in times of stress, and make them giggle with delight.  
  
O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.  
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely , O LORD.
- Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV)

We can show our children how to love without fear, knowing that God has a plan and purpose for each one of us.  Isn't it incredible to consider the love and forethought which God bestows on each of us.  We are known before our parents even realize we exist.  

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me 
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
- Psalm 139:13-17 (NIV)


It can sometimes seem like a daunting task to be a good parent, especially when we are in the throes of sleep deprivation and challenging developmental stages.  I know that I get flustered with my children far too often, and as a result, end up asking for forgiveness from them often as well.  My son is incredible in this regard and responds with either, "It's okay Mommy," or "You don't have to be sorry."  It is humbling to be extended grace by my children.  It seems so easy to get carried away in the frustrating moments of parenting and not to prolong or enjoy the better moments we have with our kids.  A lot of days I don't feel that I have the energy or the emotional control to be the parent I want to be.  On those days, especially those days, I need to get down on my knees before my Heavenly Father and ask for His strength to perform the tasks of the day, and for His love and grace to bestow on my children when I'm feeling frazzled.  Sometimes I need to be rescued from myself.


"Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all you who remain of the house of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
- Isaiah 46: 3-4 (NIV) (emphasis mine)


Amen.

 

(Written November 01, 2010.)

God speaks your language

Do you ever have moments that seem that they were just left there specifically for you to discover?  Moments that fill your heart to bursting with joy and wonder?  I do.  They always come just when I need them too, because God knows how to speak to my heart.  For me it is in wildlife and beauty in the commonplace.  He speaks to me in foxes along the highway, ravens visiting us in the grocery store parking lot, an eagle flying in a soaring spiral viewed from my living room window.  Yesterday my moment was given in the form of a tiny ladybug.  That might not seem so significant to many but it was the timing and location that made this one sighting special - we have snow here now and it is cold and blustry and leafless.  Yet, when I got back into the truck yesterday after being in the bank, there the ladybug was, sitting on the driver's seat.  Then our second moment happened second after that.  A raven landed in the box of the truck and proceded to inspect us as we inpected him, damaged wing and all.  These are the things that make my heart sing.  God's creation declaring his glory, reminding us of miracles, and to see beauty in the everyday.